looking in the mirror

if you ask me who or what type of person i am or if i were to describe myself i would ask YOU that question myself. to my parents i will always be that good but rather spoiled little boy; to those that do not know me very well i could be the proud s.o.b or the shy guy. to my old classmates, the effiminate one; to the "vai" i beat up to a pulp one night, the "jungli" chinky; to my juniors in college, the genius/bookworm or to the girl i prematurely ended a relationship with abruptly, the womanizing man-whore. those and many more. i won't deny any of the labels one bit. i guess i would not have any identity without having others relate to me the way they perceive. that, i guess is fair.

but i do have a problem with compartmentalization. i believe that all social identities are performative, whether one plays the "dumb blonde" or "the slightly-unsociable-but-writes-poetry-and-likes-indie music-so-is-better-than-you" character. i guess in that sense i have a post-structuralist view on life. people do not intimidate you once you contextualize their roles. this has helped me "get along" with different people. i think it is possible and dangerous to "other" oneself too much as much as "othering" puts people in binaries which is the root cause of all the hate in the world and yadda yadda.

however, i do not wish to insinuate that i am some transient flowing of empty signifiers, totally characterless. i have chosen my roles, which are neither absolute nor fixed. but nevertheless serves to communicate in any given society. i do find pleasure in a lot of things, big and small.

i have never really been a bookworm. i admit that i should have read a lot more books but i guess i like reading "life" more. i guess "natural" semiotics should have been my forte. it is tempting to tell you that i have the poet's sensitive soul but sensitive it might be, but poetic it ain't. i can never write good poetry to save my life, and i admire the people who can.

I love music. Give me good music any time (except for the death-metal types. sorry but what's the point of a song if you can't comprehend the words?). I can vividly recall as a child my dad teaching me songs like "The Boxer" "I Am I Said" and all those 50s-60s stuff. I found that my teenage years prefigured what would eventually be my preferred choice of music: alternative. I could stay up all night to discuss the lyrics of my numero-uno band Manic Street Preachers,and their ilk. If you abandon me on a desert give me a Stevie Wonder "Songs In The Key of Life" track list on my ipod and i'm happy. i'm in a band (hypothetical, till now) with my friends. whenever we can find the time, we compose and jam. and no you will not see us on demand channel EVER. we are not good enough. it is a purely personal endeavour: to let out the creative juices.

i love football and basketball. i guess that is where we men channel our primitive competitive urges nowadays. my club: Arsenal. My basketball idol was not Michael Jordan (although he was the best) but the frail Reggie Miller (i have a thing for underdogs). Now i don't watch too much NBA as i used to, but i keep tabs whenever i can. Now the game i most often play is Mafia Wars on facebook (yes i have noticed the gradual devolution of my existence thank you very much) :D

and food! i love food. food makes me happy. food is good. i can eat anything except idli and uisa (never have, never will). i have periodic cravings for ice cream, kulfi and sugarcane juice. if a way to a man's heart is his stomach, then those mentioned would reel me in hook, line and sinker.

there is still so much to say... i hope that i have the energy to not abandon this project anytime soon.

cheers!